Ten Things We Wish We Knew Before Marriage

10 things i wish i knew before becoming a wife

**Please note that these are written in no particular order. Here’s a little advice to our younger selves. Married, Engaged, or Single — Our prayer and hope is that you too can learn from our past mistakes.

1. Marriage will shed light on every area of your life that needs healing — Heal YOU before saying I DO.

2. You can’t heal what you ignore — prepare to take a long look in the mirror girlfriend!

3. There’s power in your waiting season(s)…

• Stop trying to make things happen on your own! You need to trust God in the waiting. As your life with your husband begins, things will happen that will be completely out of your control and his (your husbands) — this is when you’ll need to put your trust in God to good use!

4. Know what God actually says about being a wife.

• What are you truly called to do in your role as a helpmate? Not just what you’ve seen others do, or what’s “cute” or what society or social media says to do. God created the covenant of marriage, which means that he created the ground rules and guidelines. If you want things to operate as they should, know, understand, and follow what He (God) requires of you as a wife.

5. There’s true power in a praying wife - pray hard and pray often! Pray for your husband. Pray for your family. Pray over your home. Spiritual warfare is real.

• Ephesians 6:12 | “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

6. Your words have more power than you think — be careful how you speak. What you say and how you say things to your spouse is just as important, if not more important than what you say to anyone else.

• Express your feelings and emotions in gentle ways that can be openly received by your husband.

7. Selfishness…

• Let it go. YOU and your husband’s selfish tendencies will be exposed in your marriage. You can’t be married and be selfish girl… and just because you currently “claim” that you’re not selfish, doesn’t mean that you aren’t… your actions in just a few short months will speak louder than your words, and your marriage will expose just how truly selfish you both still are. You will both either continuously choose yourselves, which will ultimately bring forth the demise of your marriage, or you’ll get honest with yourselves, make the daily choice of choosing each other, serving one another, and fighting for what God has blessed you with.

8. Love is not a feeling… it’s a daily choice.

• You can’t just show and express it on the good days or in moments when you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. You must choose to love daily. You must choose to forgive daily… even on the really hard days, and yes… even when you’re upset with one another lol. Giving and receiving love AND forgiveness is absolutely necessary — this one here will be easier said than done especially in moments when you feel hurt or have been wronged by your spouse, but do it anyway. You’ll thank yourself later and God for commanding you to do so (married or not) (:

9. Healthy and frequent communication in your marriage is truly as important as what people say.

• It will be up to the both of you to cultivate a safe space within your marriage where you both can open up to one another and speak honestly WITHOUT judgement.

10. Your children will be okay, or as they say “them kids gone be alright!!”

• Your marriage is the foundation. If you and your spouse are not on one accord, nothing else in your world will be. Get a sitter and enjoy some 1 on 1 time… OFTEN. Ladies, throw away the old pajamas and underwear that you’ve been having in your drawer for years, buy something new and sexy, and wear things to bed and on date nights that your husband enjoys seeing you in — if you don’t know what he likes, now may be a good time to ask. Make time for one another, love on one another, don’t let the spark fizzle out (;

10 things i wish i knew before becoming a husband

**Please note that these are written in no particular order. Here’s a little advice to our younger selves. Married, Engaged, or Single — Our prayer and hope is that you too can learn from our past mistakes.

1. Stay Vigilant

• As the head of your household, underneath/second to God, you are the first line of defense. If YOU aren’t aware, you’ll begin to open your family up to attacks from the enemy. Protect what’s yours, and that includes protecting yourself from the temptations of this world.

2. Learn what it means to properly lead your family. This will take you looking outside of your childhood family and what you grew up around.

• Though you may have grown up in a two parent household, you need to ask yourself if what you saw growing up was actually healthy. Don’t allow longevity to fool you. “30 years married” might have actually been 30 years of putting up with unhealthy, toxic and unchanged behavior. Is that what you want for your marriage? For your wife? Is that what you want your sons to see? What work are you willing to do on yourself to change the narrative of your story, your marriage and generations after?

3. Understand that intimacy/sex with your wife is something that was created by God. Viewing it from a worldly and perverted point of view will only hurt you, your wife, and your marriage in the long run.

4. Marriage isn’t always about happiness, but about living and behaving in such a Christ like manner that your life and marriage become a true reflection of God’s covenant with His people.

5. Marriage and the title of “husband” doesn’t make you a “good man”. It will only expose the man that you already are.

• Ask yourself: What kind of man are you right now? Are your behaviors and thoughts christ-like? Is this the man God created you to be? If the answers no, you’ve got a lot of work to do.

6. Behind God, as the head of your home, it is your responsibility to take the LEAD on ensuring that your marriage thrives and lasts.

• You must be present not only physically, but spiritually and emotionally.

7. Properly heal BEFORE asking your significant other for her hand in marriage.

• Marrying the woman you love before you heal is setting yourself up to possibly lose everything that you’ve prayed to have and everything that you love. Those unhealed parts of you WILL begin to eat away at every aspect of your life. Heal.

8. Dive deep into your families history as it relates to marriage and relationships.

• You’re going to be surprised at what you find… You’ll find that generational trauma and curses run deep. They’ll need to be fought and defeated, and the first step to defeating them will be to become aware and knowledgable of where your family’s been, where you currently are, and where God wants to take you. You can’t keep repeating the same patterns. This cycle ends with you.

9. Marriage is not some fairytale. It’s not to be taken lightly.

• Marriage has spiritual consequences… good or bad and it all depends on what you choose to put out. What you put out, is what you’ll get back. You put out good, you’ll see good in return, you put out bad… well, you’ll reap the consequences of the bad decisions and choices that you make. Don’t play with any covenant made under God. The consequences that you’ll ultimately face will be extremely painful.

10. Remember… this is the start of YOUR legacy. How do you want your story to continue long after you’re gone? Do you want your story, your behaviors, to be the same as the men who came before you… or do you want your story to be one of growth and healing? A story where you actually learn from your mistakes and poor choices.

• What would you want your wife, your children, your grandchildren to say about you long after you’re gone? For you, I pray that every word spoken is about how great of a husband, father, and friend you were. A man who walked in integrity. A man who was committed to and loved his family with every part of his being. My advice to you…… learn from your mistakes and work every day of your life to be that man.