Leaving Behind The Victim Mentality
With any injustice, there is offense.
There’s a perpetrator(s) and a victim(s). There’s someone who either intentionally or unintentionally causes harm, and sadly, there’s someone left to grieve the aftermath of it. Now whether the aftermath is dealing with mental, emotional, physical or spiritual pain depends on the situation, but nevertheless, pain is pain. Trauma is trauma, and the inability for many of us to see beyond that pain is what I’d like to talk about today.
What We Want
If we’re honest with ourselves, many of us struggle with letting go of offense.
We want justice.
We want to see the other person(s) suffer or struggle.
We want them to feel what we felt. . . so on and so forth.
But, what if I told you that there is power in letting all of that go. Power in releasing your desire for revenge. Power in freeing yourself from the victim mentality, and TRUE power in walking forward in YOUR freedom. When there is true injustice, leave the justice part up to Him. You just worry about healing, forgiving, and stepping into the sweet chapter that’s ahead of you. . . because let me tell you, just from personal experience, the sweetness that God brings forth anytime that you’ve been done wrong, will far outweigh any evil that was intentionally brought upon you. God takes care of His people. He loves His people, and He will absolutely bring forth sunshine after the rain. Do right by others. Regardless of what they do to you. God sees all, knows all, hears all.
Romans 12:19-21 NKJV | Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. Therefore “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
There is much power in letting go of offense.
Much power in releasing the control that others can have over us through both their actions and words.
The Spirit of offense
Anytime we hold onto offense or un-forgiveness, we do ourselves a disservice. We consciously and unconsciously lock up our own energy and emotions by hyperfixating on whatever injustice we feel has been done and honestly, it keeps us in negative cycles of thinking.
Trust me, I know, letting go of an offense, or in some cases, a serious injustice, is so much easier said than done and please know that I’m not saying to forgive and forget. God did not give us the ability to forget. We remember the good, which also means, we remember the bad, but guess what? You don’t have to let your bad outweigh your good. You don’t have to allow the negative to take over your mind. YOU have the power within, the God-given power to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. YOU have the power to change your thinking. Is it easy? No. Is it possible? Yes.
2 Corinthians 10:5 NIV | “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
Romans 12:2 NIV | “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”
With that being said, I am not saying that forgiveness equates to reconciliation to people, places, or things. Sometimes things just are what they are and severing ties completely is just an absolute must. However, what I am saying is that we each hold the power to let go of offense and our desire to seek out justice for ourselves.
Again, forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation — please understand this, but again, this topic alone could be a whole other blog post in and of itself, so we’ll just stick a pin in that until later.
Today I want to discuss how we can get to a place of peace after injustice has found its way into our lives. I desire for each of us to leave from today’s reading feeling inspired, ignited and willing to take the necessary steps to free our hearts and minds from the spirit of offense, releasing it all to God and walking fully in wholeness and freedom.
I want us to discuss the difficulties in navigating unforgiveness and offense. Because the journey to true forgiveness and freedom will not come easy. It will take time, and intentional work on your part.
We will also briefly discuss how holding onto unforgiveness will not get you the results that you actually desire, and we’ll talk about how those very two things (unforgiveness and offense) will keep YOU in bondage, and NOT the person who produced the injustice.
The Release
Let me start by saying this. . .
No one should have the power to keep you in a state of bitterness. No one should have the power to keep you in a state of vengefulness or unforgiveness, and as my therapist says, no one who intentionally caused you harm should have the power to take up space in your mind for FREE.
So dear friends, here’s our option: Forgive
For me, this took daily prayer. I literally had to get real with the Lord and myself about my anger and pain. He already knew how I felt, I just had to stop hiding and pretending that I was okay when I wasn’t. I had to stop saying that I forgave when I didn’t, and I had to take my healing journey one day at a time.
Forgiveness is hard. In all of our humanness, true forgiveness is hard and if I’m honest, people don’t really tell you this. It’s easy to just say “oh girl, forgive and forget”, or “forgive them, the Lord does”, but what does that really look like when you’re so deep in your own pain and despair? What does that look like when someone has brought immense and undeserved agony to your life?
True forgiveness is hard.
It took fervent prayers and daily talks with the Lord.
It took me asking for help, going to therapy and retelling my story over and over to release the hold that it had on me. It took retraining my brain to think positively about life and family. It took intentional work. Daily affirmation, and a daily surrender to God. I couldn’t do it on my own. My humanness wanted revenge.
For a long time, I wanted others to feel how they made me feel, but on the other side of that, I also knew that I knew better. I knew God’s word involving unforgiveness and revenge, and I also knew that I had no excuse to bring pain into other people’s lives, no matter how much pain I had personally felt.
I knew that I also had no business carrying around unforgiveness and bitterness. Why you may ask? Because I had seen too many people who’s own lives and happiness were negatively affected by holding onto bitterness and unforgiveness. I’ve also seen too many people turn sour towards life, their relationship with themselves and those around them because of their inability to get help, freedom and healing from life’s injustices.
I desired a life of freedom, not a life of bondage, and in order to get to where I am today, it took making a choice. A choice to live free from the terrible memories of my past. A choice to live free from the shame of what happened in my past and from the pain that I held onto for far too long.
Holding onto pain and unforgiveness was exhausting, and mentally draining. It was not the way that God desired for me to live, and it’s not what He desires for you either.
Each of us must make a choice. A choice to release the pain and anger.
It will absolutely take time, and that’s okay, but please don’t allow yourself to carry this for years, because it can and absolutely will wreak havoc on your mind, will, and emotions.
Release it all to God and ask Him for help. He knows exactly what you need. He knows exactly how to mend your heart, and He will grant you His peace.
This is a promise from Him.
1 Peter 5:6-9 NLV | “So put away all pride from yourselves. You are standing under the powerful hand of God. At the right time He will lift you up. Give all your worries to Him because He cares for you. Keep awake! Watch at all times. The devil is working against you. He is walking around like a hungry lion with his mouth open. He is looking for someone to eat. Stand against him and be strong in your faith. Remember, other Christians over all the world are suffering the same as you are.”
Freedom & Forgiveness
I wanted my life to be filled with peace from the Lord. I desired for my mind to be free from the agony of replaying each moment of the injustice, and I wanted to walk out on the other side with true forgiveness in my heart.
I encourage you to also make that same choice today. Let go of the offense, no matter how painful. Start by saying:
Lord, I give this offense to you (name the offense). I ask that you would replace my anger with joy, my bitterness with peace, and my desire for revenge with love.
Lord I ask that you would comfort me as I begin to release all that has been weighing me down. Remove my desire for revenge Lord. Forgive me for holding onto unforgiveness and bitterness, and please forgive those who have caused me heartache and pain. Help me oh Lord, to truly extend love and forgiveness and to walk in freedom through Christ Jesus. In Your sons most precious and holy name, Amen.
I love you all
Until next time,
Amari E.